The Healing Power of Gratitude

I have to be honest with y'all.

Over the past two weeks, I haven't been in a place where I've felt completely in love with God. I haven't been feeling like getting up everyday to pray, I don't feel like worshipping, and when I read my bible, I feel nothing. My affections aren't feeling stirred. Instead, I've just been feeling tired, like I couldn't focus... and I gave up. I gave up trying to spend time with God because I didn't want to come to him distracted or tired or numb. This has been so frustrating because even through the numbness, my heart still desires to be with Him, to spend time with Him, to praise Him, but for whatever reason, I just could not bring myself to do it.

So, after struggling for the past 17 days to come back to Jesus, I was convicted that my relationship with Jesus should be based off self-discipline--a spirit that HE gives me to press on and grow closer to Him, so that I may look more like Him (which is the whole point of a relationship with Jesus, just btw)--and NOT feelings. So, this morning, I just did it. I turned on my current favorite Isla Vista Worship and opened up my prayer journal to the next blank page and started to write "I'm sorry for straying away," but something about coming to God with those words didn't feel right. Not because I wasn't truly sorry or remorseful over the wasted time that I could've spent with the lover of my soul and didn't, but because I've been starting a heck of a lot of my prayers that way lately. It's frustrating. It's frustrating to me that I couldn't just accept the grace that Christ gives me freely and abundantly. It's frustrating not only on my end, but I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to God when his child doesn't accept the gift of perfect grace that He so desperately wants to give to me. He is provider, protector, and He wants to deliver me from sin, and the guilt and shame that come with it all. He wants me to experience the freedom that He died for, and it breaks my heart to think that He sees me wallowing in me guilt and shame when I don't accept the forgiveness He extends to me.

In that moment I was just so exhausted of "I'm sorry," and I prayed, "God, I really just want to come to you and thank you for who you are and that your grace covers me. I wish I didn't have to feel the need to over use 'I'm sorry' to try to feel justified for the grace you offer me." And you know what the Spirit revealed to me?

"You don't have too because GRATITUDE IS H E A L I N G."

Let me say that again so that it will sink in:

GRATITUDE IS H E A L I N G.

Wow, y'all, the Holy Spirit reminded me of this truth: He knows my heart. He knows I'm sorry for straying away and for not having self-discipline every morning... He's already forgiven me. No matter how far away I feel that I am, He is steadfast. Immovable. He's still right by my side. He's not farther away now than He was when I was spending extra quarantine moments with Him. No matter how far I am, He is near. And the thing is: I will never be justified in God's forgiveness. I will never deserve His grace... that's WHY its called GRACE. And grace is something that Jesus says I don't need to earn, but that I only need to accept and live in.

So, wait. Jess, where is gratitude in all this?

Here's where. Here's how: Thanking God for His grace will help us accept the grace that is given to us because when we fill the space with thankfulness, it drowns out the guilt and the shame that once consumed us. There is no more room for it. It has no entry, no in, no place in your heart and in your soul. Now all that fills your soul is the truth of who your Father is and the overwhelming love you feel for Him because being thankful also brings joy and stirs your affection for God.

So friends, don't take gratitude for granted. Sing praises to the Lord because it holds healing power.

And if you're in a place where you aren't feeling the love like I haven't been, but you've been feeling ashamed of all of the times you've strayed, remember: you, in fact, do not deserve grace, and you will never feel like you are worthy of it. But I pray that instead of wallowing stuck in it like I have, that this would drive you to the feet of Jesus with overwhelming gratitude that He even offers you grace at all. And I pray that would bring you healing for your guilt and your shame that God so desperately doesn't want you to feel.

GRATITUDE IS H E A L I N G.

It is so important that you know that. I promise, it will restore your soul... and help you fall in love with Jesus over and over again.

I love you,

Jess :)

Ps. I didn't even get to the point where I read scripture this morning, this was a Word straight from the Holy Spirit! Y'all... He is SO faithful to speak truth into us, even when all your quiet time looks like is being still in prayer.